it's hard to believe this year is coming to a close. 2014 was a big year for me...i got to marry my best friend!!! leading up to our wedding, my heart and soul were so full of excitement and anticipation of our special day. and every single day i remembered my word of the year: love.
after over six years of loving each other, we took the opportunity to share our love with our family and friends...right in front of them as we took our vows. and if you haven't figured it out yet by now, our wedding was definitely the highlight of our year. to be surrounded by the people most special to us, on the most beautiful day of the year, and expressing our emotions through the most thoughtful, most "us" ceremony...that is love.
my eyes still fill with tears and my heart wants to explode with gratitude for the support, encouragement, love, and generosity of all of our loved ones. dang 2014, you were so good to us.
so that brings me to 2015...since it's, oh right, tomorrow.
i've been searching for a word to fully describe my feeling for this year ahead...for my goals and my dreams...and how one word might help guide me through the year, reminding me through its simplicity, of what i want 2015 to be.
what have i chosen for my 2015 word of the year?
if you've been following along for awhile, or really any amount of time in the last couple years, you'll know that i am on a weight loss journey. it's been long and it's been challenging. sometimes i wonder if i will ever reach my goals. and then sometimes i think i might actually be afraid to.
weird, i know.
i recently did some reading on being afraid of failure, being afraid of success, and i've also read some on self-sabotage, which i think i'm guilty of all three. so, for 2015, i'm going to remember that there is nothing to be fearful of.
if i want to succeed at my goals, i just need to work for them.
if i don't want to fail at my goals, i just need to work harder to succeed.
and damnit, why don't i just stop getting in my own way?
so, for 2015, i'm throwing caution to the wind and am trying to remember what life was like 25 years ago and how that can help me now. because as an 8 year old, i was fearless.
i would hold the massive boa constrictor at the montshire museum, while my (scared to death of snakes) mom would look on from the furthest corner of the room (as close to the exit as possible).
i would be the one running up the loads of steps to get to the tallest water slide at water country.
i even tried octopus when i was in third grade! (i liked it!)
there was very little that i was afraid of at age 8...if anything. and i don't know how i got so fearful as i've matured and aged. i'm only 33, but i've created fear in my own mind. and it's high time i turn that bus around.
i'm terrified of getting injured. i'm terrified of requiring surgery. i'm terrified of childbirth. i'm terrified of gaining weight. i'm terrified of having loose skin if i lose too much weight. and i'm terrified of losing those i love dearest.
two of those i think are reasonable fears: childbirth -- i mean, that's gonna hurt, despite knowing the outcome is more than worth the pain; and losing those i love dearest -- which is completely out of my control, so i should come to peace with it.
everything else? fearless.
i'm fearlessly committing to me. to go to the gym. to give it all i've got. to eat right and indulge occasionally. to make progress on my goals. to smash my goals. to make new goals. and smash them too.
i'm fearlessly saying yes to things i might have otherwise been to afraid of: things like zip-lining and ropes courses.
and, to reward myself when i succeed at these things. mani/pedi? heck yes! massage... duh! new clothes? they'll be necessary.
so i'm heading fearlessly into 2015 knowing that while 2014 was the best year yet, next year can only improve.
i will fearlessly love my husband, parents, family, and friends.
i will fearlessly excel at my job(s).
i will fearlessly try new things.
i will fearlessly give of myself to others.
i will fearlessly give to myself what i need: motivation, encouragement, and love.
in 2015, i will be fearless.